Honesty is the best policy...

Hi all! It's been a while, and there's not excuse about it. I've just been pure lazy. A ton has happened since I last wrote but those stories will come in due time so I'm gonna jump right in.

I'm annoyed that people aren't as honest with themselves and each other as they should be. It's a feeling, for the sake of being "polite" I subdued but now I need to say something - a la be honest with myself and everyone else. Last week, I attended a training for my tutoring gig, and the objective of the tutoring was for us to be aware of the stereotype we ourselves have about each other and the students we worked. At first I was shocked at how resistant everyone was to coming up with stereotypes about certain groups, but then I was annoyed. I flew the exercise quickly while other people struggled. When the facilitator asked why people were resistant to acknowledging/coming up with stereotypes, there was silence... I was like really, none of you talk about this. So of course I took it upon myself to start up the conversation (forgetting to check myself as I was doing most of the talking) as to inspire everyone else to talk. While it took forever, the other mentors became engaged and it was a thoughtful conversation filled with many laughs (it should also be noted that I was the ONLY who acknowledged I held stereotypes in my mind about the population we're working with).

This was the final straw that broke the camel's back in my growing frustration with America's "shocked and appalled", "really it's the 21st century", "it can't happen to me", "I don't see difference" and various other syndromes. Stereotypes are real and they come from somewhere. Though you don't "believe" them, everyone has them or at least has heard of some. And just because you're aware of them, does not make you a "bad" person (I don't believe in binding identities.). With the population of students I work with, I have to be aware of how they are perceived by others, including myself. If some of those perceptions don't paint them in a positive light, then so be it. It's our job to be informed and to use that information to deconstruct those preconceived notions and empower those affected by said stereotype. Sometimes I feel like an anomaly because I was raised to learn how to empower myself but still be cognizant of how accurately or inaccurately I'm perceived by others. I think if people were more aware of this philosophy then they would be less shocked that New York City would have an anti-abortion ad that states "The most dangerous place for an African American is in the womb", or that the Tea Party tried to paint Acorn in a bad light with pseudo facts, or that the Republican party is using the government to dismantle unions, the backbone of financial and voting support for the Democratic party. If anything, these atrocities should light a fire up your ass and get you to get up, get out, and do somethin'! And that is my two cents. Use the knowledge - negative or positive - to be the best that YOU can be!

Jam of the Day

I have this song, among many of hers stuck in my head at the moment.

My Fantasia written in the Key of A Tragedy

This is something I've wanted to comment on for a while. I gave some time to pass for the situation to improve, but nonetheless it hasn't to my dismay.

Let's look at the Fantasia and Alicia Keys dilemma. Both were involved with less than honorable men, and the way the media treats both women is very different. Mind you Fantasia's suicide stunt did not help her case, but when word first got out about her illicit affair the media swarmed her and derided her, even going as far as mentioning a possible sex tape - who doesn't have one nowadays? When this happened to Alicia, it was like as if a bird just flew over your and you went back to your business. Then I thought it would be a fire storm when she got pregnant. Nothing. It was reminiscent to FEMA's response to Hurricane Katrina five years ago. And he was STILL with his WIFE! Shortly after the wedding Swizz Beatz goes on to say marry Ms. Keys was the best thing that ever happened to you... sure.

Being the person that I am, I like to look between the lines and see what's really going down; why the mainstream media is responding the way it is. With little hesitation I came to the conclusion that subtleties of class, race, and colorism are more profound than any of us can imagine. Let's take a look at the background of these women: Fantasia Barrino was a poor dark-skinned - yes I said it - black girl from North Carolina who dropped out of high school after being raped by a classmate and had her daughter at the tender age of sixteen. Alicia Keys was born in Manhattan to a black father (absent the majority of her life) and white mother, trained in classical piano, and after being a high school valedictorian accepted to one of the top schools in the country. Can you see the differences already? In particular, can you see how they will be viewed by the world? The best thing to happen to Fantasia was "American Idol" which indirectly turned her into a charity chase and she would forever be used as an example of achieving the American Dream - persistence through persecution. The best thing to happen to Alicia was well... and this will be offensive... when her black father left the picture. When she burst on the scene, no one questioned her blackness or the fact she was raised mainly by her white mother (tangent: opposite was the reaction when Mariah Carey stepped on the scene.). Alicia was not a tragedy, but an indirect "poster child" for the success in surmounting racial boundaries as a multiracial person. You can already see where this is going...

I'm not arguing for us to demean Alicia as much as we have Fantasia. I'm arguing for us to look at both situations with an even-ness in disapproval, regardless of their actions afterward. Yeah Fantasia tried to "kill" herself, but Alicia got pregnant before Swizz's divorce was finalized. Is really one action more preferred than the other? Has Alicia received a free pass because she got pregnant? Has Fantasia's behavior reinforced the negative traumas of her past she has never really escaped? Imagine if Fantasia was of a lighter hue... Imagine if Alicia was a tad bit darker and had her father involved... There are more questions than answer I can provide. My piece of advice: read between the lines. There are so many subtle dynamic that are at play. As a wise person once told me, question EVERYTHING.

Education Suxs!

One of my friends posted this on Facebook and I really liked the way the speech was written. However, I don't think her actual delivery does it justice. She raises very valid points. Read it and tell me what you think. There is so much to unpack that it would take too long in this little space lol.

http://blog.swiftkickonline.com/2010/07/valedictorian-speaks-out-against-schooling-in-graduation-speech.html

My coming out story.... if there is such a thing.

Hi everyone,

I know it's been a while since I wrote on this but today I was inspired to share something. I am a big fan of B. Scott and recently he (or she, it really makes no difference) posted a video about his coming out story. It was very moving because there was fun and drama, and if you know me fun and drama rock my world. I began to think about my own "coming out" story and was saddened that there was no drama. But then, I thought about it some more and my angst was calmed.

I always knew I was different. When I was younger, I drew pictures of myself as a girl in a graduation gown. I was quickly corrected by my family members of my gender, and really thought nothing of it from then on. Because kids have an innate foresight they lose as they are socialized, they picked up on this and I was teased. Because I wanted to fit in, I denied being gay to no ends - even though I didn't like my peers, knew nothing of the greatness to come, and really didn't give a flying you know what about others' thoughts of me. It wasn't until I went to The Northwest School (NWS) that I truly felt comfortable with who I was and my talents came through, which is highly ironic because being in a predominantly white space is the LAST place I expected this to happen.

I came out, if you want to say that, to my mother when I was 19. It was three days after I found out Swarthmore asked me to leave for a semester. I took her onto the porch of our house and told her "I'm bisexual", which was complete lie, but I thought that at least by being bisexual there would be some normalcy in telling her I wasn't completely straight. There was no screaming, no yelling, no "I'm so disappointed"... in conclusion, no drama. While I was relieved, I was sort of on edge because I was already in the hole for fucking up my freshman, adding on this news wouldn't make it any better right... boy was I wrong. My mother, as she does with everything, took it in stride.

Over the years, and after watching that video and reading the other various coming out stories, I thought about how "coming out" involves privilege - privilege in the sense that while you know this isn't the news your family wants to hear, you still have that safety net after the fact. Most people of color who come out lose that safety net of family and have to reconnect with people other ways, i.e. "Paris is Burning" (it's a movie, check it out). Mind you not all of my family knows, and I don't really care if they do, but my immediate family didn't turn their backs. I wonder if had I not been in predominantly white settings would I still feel privileged enough to "come out"? If my family was more religious, would I have still come out? The more I think about it, the more I say fuck it. If you don't figure it out in the first five minutes you know me, it's not worth broadcasting to you. It's who I am, and that's that.

Here's the video if you're interested:

Allow me to introduce....

The Twan Show, an experiment to see how I can mind control the masses... Just kidding. I created this blog in an attempt to express myself in all the forms I know how. There's gonna be videos of other people, there's gonna be videos of me, there's gonna be pictures - basically nothing will be held off limits (unless it's copyrighted and I'm not trying to get sued). I want this blog to serve as a means to connect people from all walks of life. Hopefully through my voice someone out there can find their own. You could say, this can serve as a form of community service. I promise you I will try to avoid the bitchy, self loathing tone some of these blogs tend to contain. And, with the influence of powers that be, I want to avoid the gossipy nature of other blogs by people who will not be named. If this gets me famous, so be it, but as I mentioned this is not the end goal. Alright friends, stayed tune, cause you're in for a bumpy ride.